[clickToTweet tweet=”Don’t allow the unrealistic demands of others to march freely into your life. ” quote=”Don’t allow the unrealistic demands of others to march freely into your life. -Lysa Terkeurst”]
Ewww… You should’d in your pants.
No I’m not taking about going #2. I’m talking about how your unrealistic demands are ruining your life.
How many times have you uttered, I should have more money saved, or I should be married by now.
Or maybe you’re the musty type and your existence is built around things that you must do.
I must do well at school, I gotta make partner by 35, or I must post on my social media accounts every day.
I want, therefore, I must have
There is nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself or have nice things. The problem starts when you start seeing your wants as things that you must have. Life is hard enough already, adding unrealistic demands and absolute thinking will only add to the pressure. So ask yourself this, is it really necessary? Hells no.
Absolute thinking only makes life hard. It causes us to be inflexible and unrealistic. Which, if left unchecked, could lead to worrying, depression, avoidance, resentment, or a bunch of other unwanted stuff.
So, how do I stop?
So how do you get rid of these types of thoughts? You don’t. Bet you wasn’t expecting me to say that uh. But it’s the truth, these types of thought are rooted in years and years of socializing.
But there’s a way to dispute these thoughts. And to help you dispute yours, I’ve included a worksheet with this post. You can download it here. This worksheet contains questions to help you dispute your absolute thoughts.
Changing the way we think isn’t an easy process. If it was, there wouldn’t be a need for life coaches or counselors, and I would be out of a job and the owner of an useless master’s degree. I’m not saying this to scare you but we all know change can be hard.
My Challenge To You
Think of the should and musts you demand on yourself and share one in the comment section below. I know this is a personal question to ask but I believe we’re here to inspire one another.
I went through this a few years ago, when I realized that I probably wasn’t going to have the family life that I always wanted! I wanted to be married and pregnant by the time I was 26! But, 26 went by, 30 went by, and now that I’m 40, I see things more clearly. I have 1, soon-to-be 2, nephews….and that’s good enough for me!!!
Hi Kristin. Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate to the whole family thing. Enjoy your nephews. My nieces mean the world to me.
The best way to go through these thoughts for wants vs needs is…to go online, or to the store…find the item that you’re “dying” to get. Then leave the store, or change the web page, wait 24-48 hours, and decide whether or not you still NEED to get it…or whether it was just an impulse buy!
thank you for sharing. it very interesting blog
I know how to give the advice to others….but, do I follow my own?? Not so much! I, along with most people (I think) put great demands on themselves, only to be disappointed in the end! So, you start off with daily goals, then when you have that down…weekly…monthly…6 months…yearly…and so on!
Great post! It’s definitely hard to block your mind from thinking about all the “shoulds,” but I’ve been trying to do that too. I should have my own place, I should have a full-time job (I’m part-time right now), I should be in a relationship. But there are no shoulds, life is just what happens and what you make happen.
~Sara
I find it very difficult to make big goals…or, even small goals for that matter! The way I am happiest is just to take each day as it comes! Then whatever happens, happens!!!
Wow, you really have some amazing ideas. I am interested in learning more about your programs. I don’t have unrealistic demands, but I do have other things to work on…lots of other things.
It’s hard to get rid of the “What if’s? I should have…, and Why didn’t I?” But, sometimes in order to look more positively to the future, we ask ourselves these questions, so we know what to do next time!
There should always be room for disappointment, but, life should be about the joys and surprises of every day life!!!
Disappointment is part of life, you just have to pick yourself up and continue on.
If you need to…make a box of “affirmations”. What this is, is a box that contains positive quotations to help you through your rough times!
You have to try and keep a positive outlook on anything that happens. Because usually things happen for a reason….that you don’t know is good at the time, you figure it out later!
Actually, one thing I never thought of before, is that you have to like yourself, and forgive yourself when you’ve done wrong! After that…everything will fall into place!!!
i believe keeping a very optimistic look on life or just a positive way on life might help dot think about the negative things because that will have you thinking negative and wont motivate you
I try to keep a great outlook on life at all times! It just makes you feel terrific!
I must make more money because I should visit mom more often.
If I could of made my life simple, I wouldn’t be in this mess that I am in now.
This is a great reminder! Simple is better, never buy unless you have cash for it, and the people in our lives are what matters!
I think this is gift to me making me realize my life..thank you very much for article. I am severe depression patient and I will understand the cause. Yeah.I have super excessive thinking. Anyway thanks again..
Yeah basically like a meme/poster online that I saw that what messes us up the most is the perfect picture of how it is supposed to be. I am reminded of this one friend that I have that is always single. She thinks if she gets a boyfriend everything will be wonderful. Like it will be perfect and everything will be right and nothing will ever be wrong, and I have tried to tell her it won’t ever be perfect. I mean everything has its um…positives and negatives with any situation and basically you just need to accept that and then you can find happiness in an imperfect world.
Loved this article! I am always overthinking and making myself feel guilty for not doing things that I “should” be doing. It’s such an eye opener to see that it’s not just me, and these aren’t things that I have to be doing. I always think “I should save this money” or “I should of did this…” but life really is a go with the flow type of thing, and I need to be more aware of my thoughts and not let them overcome me. I have struggled with depression – I still do and I don’t think it just goes away – but now that I can organize my thoughts and realize I don’t need to feel guilty for things like this, I can become a happier, healthier, stress free person. Thank you for the wake up call
Loved this article!I think that’s a great outlook in life and people shouldn’t except themselves to be perfect and to always do the right things
This is a great reminder to live more simply. Something I strive for often. I love this article.